When your life looks like a Netflix film
Yes, its another Monday. Right now my life looks exactly like Russian Doll on Netflix. The main character dies every night, wakes up in front of a mirror, wondering what happened. Her life goes round and round in circles, while she tries to find out how to get out of that time loop she´s in.
My life exactly the same. Every Monday I get up, take the kids to school, go home, do my Monday task – log on to check the homepage of the Job Centre. Doing laundry, making dinner, having meetings at the old hospital, look for jobs, write applications, send them, do my job log….
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday are the same. Saturday and Sunday husband and kids are home doing nothing, leaving all chores to me.
Every night I dream I am killed. EVERY FREAKING NIGHT! Eaten by tigers, snow leopards, lions, run over by a train or a truck, struck by lightning, bitten by a snake – you name it, I´ve died in many different ways by now.
Every morning I wake up, surprised to realise I´m still alive.
So I´m stuck right now. Stuck in my own personal little hell…
Last Thursday I spent 8 hours in front of the screen, creating a new and shiny CV in Affinity Publisher. I´ve uploaded it in the the jobs banks I´m a member of, put it on LinkedIn, sent it to all the recruiters I know. That´s the 8th time I´ve redone my CV.
I´m sick and tired of writing applications, especially when its proven that 85-90% of all vacant jobs are filled via network. And my network is apparantly not working with me.
Most people I know, are in the renewable energy business (wind, wave and solar) either directly, or with sub-suppliers. The renewable energy business is huge in the heart of Jutland and in Denmark in general. A business which is also very dependend on World politics. Many are afraid to lose their own jobs and are very anxious to recommend someone, who might be a possible competitor. I´ve helped around 20 people to a job – none has been willing to return my favour. None – as in none at all. Some did not even respond! That makes you feel like you are dead. I´ve never turned anyone down, when they asked me to pass their CV round.
So, what to do when noone feels like helping you in a bad situation. That´s a good question.
This last year (15 months) has been a year of a looking into myself, skills, competencies, strenghts, weaknesses etc. Nasty business, as So far this is what has happened for the last year:
- Participated in a 3 month long outplacement proces
- Contacted everyone I know on LinkedIn who might help me
- Attended courses in Google and Facebook ads and SEO
- Did Photoshop and WordPress training
- Contacted all known employment agencies in my area
- Contacted recruiters on LinkedIn, in order to let them take my CV to the right companies
- Currently participating in yet another 17 week long outplacement proces
- Made more than 70 applications
- Talked with everyone I know if they have someone in their network who could use me
So what´s next? I don´t know to be honest. I think I´ve done all I could but will certainly continue my job hunt.
Anyway, I´ve learned the past year there are no such things as Positive Thinking, The Power (of the Universe), Law Of Attraction, Paying It Forward and all that crap. Being nice and thinking positively does not necessarily bring you anything.
But it feels good to be a nice person and that´s I will continue being nice!