An AnniversaryI had an anniversary yesterday, not a pleasant one, but one that makes me think about the year that has passed. It has been a year since I was released from my duties, sent on garden leave, or whatever you prefer to call it. I was fired! It´s been a year with ups and downs, mostly downs. However, it has also given me an insight into other peoples minds. An insight I might have liked to be without. On the other hand I guess it´s always good to know who´s your friend or foe.
A Lot Of EmotionsI think all emotions that a person can have, have passed though me the last year.
- Shock – “What – this can not be happening to me?”
- Sadness – of losing a large part of my identity, losing my job family and being locked out of the community
- Hate – how could my manager choose me? I´ve known him since he was a 19 year old kid. We live in the same town, we have same social circles, our children go to the same school. He could have chosen one of my colleagues and never seen them again since they are not living here.
- Frustration – I was told two weeks before that I was doing a good job, I was his best employee. What did I do wrong?
- Anger – since then I have applied for many jobs at the same company, the wages are very good, it´s where I live and the benefits (pension) and perks are good.
- Self-loathing – how could I be so stupid to lose my job? How stupid am I to not being able to keep my job? LOSER!!!
- Self-pitty – no job interviews at all. What have I done to deserve this?
But there has also been other emotions, which are more positive
- Joy – enjoying life and the absolutely fantastic summer we had this year.
- Care-free – no worries as long as I had my paycheck every month – and some good savings for later.
- Positivity – at least I´m not ill, there are always someone who is worse off than me. I only lost my job – thats it. It´s not the end of the world.
- Time – something which annot be valued. I have time for the kids, time for my family and time to enjoy my hobbies and my garden. Noone asks anyhing from me. No deadlines, no pressure from anybody.
And Now We Are TwoSince September, where my husband was suddenly and unexpectedly released from his job, we are now two at home every day – all day. It´s very strange having him at home so much. For years I´ve been used to that he had meetings every afternoon late, or evening meetings – or both. We live in our own little bubble, in a busy everyday people focus on their own lives and jobs. When you are not in daily or regular contact, you just forget about those you do not meet every day. It´s a fact of life and there´s only one thing to do about it – being active. He´s so lucky situation he´s already in negotiations about a new job.
Do I Believe In Miracles – And Do I Need One?I have worked my whole life. Or at least since I was 13, and only been “between jobs” twice and only for a very short time. I´ve always been dedicated in my jobs, loyal and thinking out-of-the-box. Up till now I´ve applied for around 40 jobs. As a project manager, technical project manager, master data manager, marketing coordinator, production engineer, HR assistant, sales support, production support, procurement engineer, shop assistant and lots more. Anything possible, just to get a job. No result – at all. I´ve rewritten my resume 8 times, made several new layouts for it too with photo, colours you name it. All applications are written in English where requested and it takes quite some time to write each. Some people I know, say I have been cursed, I don´t believe that. Some say my horoscope was quite terrible this year. I often wonder why people belive in all that stuff, instead of taking a logic approach towards the challenges.
It´s fate, you can´t do anything about it….Well, if that´s fate I cannot do anything else, but wait until fate has decided to be kind to me again or wait until the stars are in the right postition again. And that happens all by itself, so who is right and who´s wrong?